Looking ahead…

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It’s hard to remember what exactly you were doing at any given moment in the past. Unless of course it’s not… There are those times I remember exactly what I was doing. I was sitting on my couch exactly 4 years ago tonight trying to convince Rachael that my plan was a good one.

You see, she told me she wanted me to make some pictures in the house out of wood. I thought I could do it out of poster board and markers. She wasn’t convinced…
I really thought I could make some sweet posters with the scriptures she wanted. When she blew my idea off I decided that I would show her!! So I sat down on the couch, she was in her chair and we were watching tv. I was working hard on my project. I knew if I just showed her what I could do she would finally see things my way. So as it got late, she glanced over from time to time at what I was making still holding to her stubborn ways. I knew that she saw what I was making and that was good enough for me. Eventually she stood up and said she was going to bed. She didn’t look at my project but I knew she saw it even though it wasn’t quite done. I finally finished it and was quite proud. I decided I would take and put it on a nail that was in the wall across from where she sat. I knew she would see it in the morning and finally would give in that I knew what I was doing. It was late at night probably about 12 am when I finally went to bed. She was sleeping and soon so was I. Not for long though. Needless to say She never got to see the picture I drew for her… That was the last night we ever spent together.

That was four years ago this very night. I have been thinking about her a lot this last week. As it is with loss in life it is easy to start thinking about all the regrets. I am not that way normally. I was and am blessed to have known her and been a part of her life. Who she was affects me even to this day. There are always many things that you can regret doing or not doing. There are always things that you wish and words that you wanted to say. I have found that it is not helpful to dwell on those things. That is the thing about the past. It cannot ever be changed. The only thing we can change is the future. I know that Rach knew I loved her. I wasn’t perfect by far, but that I know for a fact. I didn’t need to say a last minute speech like in a hollywood movie. Life doesn’t play out that way. You can’t say one thing and make everything perfect. You can only live so others will know how you really feel, EVERYDAY. And the way you live WILL let them know. Four years ago I woke up in the morning and my life was never the same. I can’t change the past, I can only live for the future. How? Don’t just tell people you love them… just love them with your actions. If you want to have no regrets in the future, you have to think about it now… Don’t waste it, Don’t put it off until tomorrow, because tomorrow may never be… so on a lighter note that is a picture of that poster I made for her that night… I still think she would have liked it.

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3 thoughts on “Looking ahead…

  1. >Wow, that's really good. That's a whole other side too consistency and integrity that we don't often think of… That every moment is an expression of the collective sum of every previous experience of our entire lives… Thanks Raully!

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