Life, loss, and forks.

Exactly 8 years ago today I stood there with the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I remember the drive to the little white Chapel. Construction on the freeway made our anticipation turn to anxiety as we rushed and arrived late. The Cheesy minister said his speech he probably said a thousand times to a thousand other couples. 30 min later we were married. I am only talking about this because today would have been our 8 year anniversary.

Rachael and I never made it to our 4th anniversary. She had complications, to say the least, since the day she was born. She was a miracle child that was never supposed to live from day 1. Ironically 2 days ago would have been her 26th birthday. I was sitting and reflecting today about the fact that 8 years is a long time. So many questions went through my mind… What would she be like now? What would our relationship be like now? Where would we be? There is no question in my mind that my life would be so different. The biggest things obviously being Alyssa, my wife, and Julian my baby son. I can look back now and say i wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. That is straight up crazy talk, believe me, I know. Of course I would love Rach to still be alive, here with me. I have to be honest, that sounds weird to me now, being married and faithful to Alyssa. How could I really put all of this into words? The journey of life is so crazy.

Rach used to love to read. She once read this book about a person who had to make one decision. The book then split into two and the two paths played themselves out. She was fascinated by this idea and talked about it often. She was a very strong, intelligent and selfless person. She had to, throughout her life, make extremely difficult self sacrificing decisions. One decision in life can change the whole course of your entire future. 8 years ago we made a decision to spend the rest of our lives together. We kept that promise to each other I can say with sincerity. That decision still affects me to this day. It’s not only the choices we make but also the circumstances that are thrust upon us. Like when I woke up on the first of many days without her and my life was forever changed.

Any one that has experienced loss can tell you that it is the most unimagineably horrible feeling to have someone violently ripped out of your life. It’s unnatural somehow. We all know that eventually one day we will die, but it is only real when it really happens. The bible, full of God’s promises, tells us we aren’t promised another day. That is real right there. I know that this journey has made me appreciate the people in my life far more. I don’t always vocalize it like I should, I am a man of few (spoken) words.

To really live, You have to live now. The bible says that God gives us a short time here on this earth. Make sure the people you love know that you love them. Make sure to put away the computer, shut off the tv, turn your radio down and spend time with the ones that matter. I know I need to do it more. Life is busy so be intentional and make time. It requires selflessness, You cant always only think about yourself. Forks in the road will come, good and bad ones. You’ll always look back and wonder, so look back with no regrets.

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3 thoughts on “Life, loss, and forks.

  1. Hey babe, so proud of you and love your outlook on life. Im so thankful to know you.
    Your post was awesome, and makes me think. I always look to tomorrow to correct the things I didnt do or messed up today. But to live like there is no tomorrow and make sure we do everything God has for us to do today. –I think thats how we live a life of impact. A good question to ask ourselves, when laying our heads down to sleep…Did I live out today to its fullest potential, would I regret today if there was no tomorrow?

    Love you sugie.

  2. It is interesting to think what it would be like if she was still around. Then again, it would be perfectly normal because we wouldn’t know of anything else. But I know that through the loss of Rachael, as hard as it was, I was able to look and see the Man that God gave me as a big brother and see your strength and am thankful that I have you to look up to in my life.
    Make the best of everyday to full-fill the potential that God has for us!

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