Six years is a pretty long time. Where were you six years ago compared to now? Where do you hope to be in six years? Six years ago I would have imagined that now, I would about to celebrating a 10 year wedding anniversary. Today however my life is much different than I ever would have imagined. Most days I am at work then school or in the E.R. Trying to get hours knocked out to finish my paramedic schooling. Or I am at home spending time with my family. As I stood here last night I couldn’t help but feel blessed.
I know it is crazy, but I am overwhelmed with the blessings in my life right now. 6 years ago I stood in this same place in the worst shape that I hope I will ever have to be in. As I stood there yesterday, I felt no need to talk to a grave. Rach is in a much better place than that. I just reflected. I remembered where I was then and how far I have come. I thought about my wife Alyssa and what an amazing woman she is. I thought about how much I love my kids and how blessed I am to have them. I thought about my brother and sister-in-law who were pretty much there for me day in and day out after Rachael passed.
Last week I asked Alyssa the question, “what would you do if I died today?” I know I am terrible right. The truth is I am going into a field where I deal with death a lot. Not to mention losing my wife who was 22 years old. So naturally I think about it. I was sitting in class thinking about one sentence Rach told me the night she died. She looked at me and said “I don’t want to die”. I of course assured her she wouldn’t die. It made me think, what if My day was today? What if all that Taco Bell finally got the best of me and my heart said “I’m done”? My thoughts went immediately to Alyssa and my kids. I never want Allie to have to experience that sort of loss. I don’t want my kids to have to grow up without their father, who loves the mess out them.
We all don’t ever want to die although it is inevitable. We all feel invincible and like there is always tomorrow! Right? I don’t ask the question to be morbid. It’s a reminder to treat life as fragile as is. To always invest into today. We can’t predict the future, we don’t know when our time will come. All we can do is make today matter. Make sure we do our best now.
You never know where six years will bring you. Six years ago I stood in the trauma room in Mount Clemens hospital with my brother as the hospital staff was doing all they could to bring her back. It’s ironic that I now go to that same hospital in that same room. Learning to take care of people that need help and being a part of those unfortunate times when there is nothing that can be done. I understand what the families are going through in those moments. I don’t however relate to the patient. I don’t know what it is like to stare death in the face and think or say the words, I don’t want to die, knowing that I may not make it. One thing I do know is that when I get to that moment I want to know that I did all that I could while I was still alive.
Live each day