When the grass clippings settle

I woke up early at 6am and hit snooze… Eventually you have to come to grip with reality that the morning is here, it’s not a dream and you get out of bed. I am just about to leave and look out my door and see my daughter. 1 year old standing in her crib, quietly looking out her door. She sees me and starts saying over and over in her adorable little baby voice, “dayya, dayya…”

Who could resist it, not a soul on earth. I pick her up and she smiles and laughs and snuggles her little head onto my shoulder. Who wakes up this joyous? I mean really? How could my day not be better already with this magnificent send off. But alas I must leave and go to work… I hear her in the background as I walk out the door… Dayya, Dayya…

I put in my last intern shift and come home at 4, with just enough time to change and run out the door to mow the lawn. As I make my front lawn pass I see a familiar little ray of sunshine standing at the front door!! She is so happy she starts dancing and I see her lips moving saying … Dayya, Dayya… I wave at her and say “HI, baby!!!” and she starts to dance more and runs away to share her excitement with someone else! I see her back again at my next pass waving and saying “hi dayya”

Eventually the lawn is mowed and I have to leave for work at 5, I come in and see my baby girl come running at me with arms wide open! She sits in my arms. She doesn’t want me to talk to her, she doesn’t want to talk to me. She just wants me to be there with her. She gets down and runs right back! I hug her again and start to leave for work. Then she starts following me with her arms open, in a frenzie, beginning to cry …Dayya, Dayya…

At this point I can’t simply walk away… My heart is literally broken as I watch her come running to me! Again she doesn’t want me to do anything… Just be there! So once I again I muster up the strength to walk out the door for work knowingly breaking my baby girls heart in the process. This time she frantically grabs her big diaper bag … “Dayya,Dayya”and tries to go out the door with me as if to say “fine if you insist on leaving where I am, I will go where you are!? Such persistence!!! I gave her a big hug and ran out the door!! Wow what a jerk I am right!

Eventually I came home at 1030 and she was awake and crying, I walked in the door scooped her tired little self up… She immediately rested her little head on my shoulder and stopped crying! I rubbed her back for a minute and laid her in her bed. She went to sleep as joyous as she woke up!

I know I missed a lot, i can literally tear up thinking about it, but in my small little moments I had with her today, I was just reminded that above anything else the most important thing I could ever give her is to just be there!!

Just be there!

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